tearsofangel

Oct 24, 2005

cant stand for it ...? ussually not that bad....

i hope my mind like computer ...everything can get lost or delete easily...and i try very hard to delete but still cant did it...everytime somethings that i cant predicted all happen...
i had already use five days to accept all things....
5 days ago ...erm i mean since 14 october...
yup not only me the one who sad...
i noe it...
but no one told me before it happen...
everyone noe
they din tell me
why ???
i just cant belive it...
me is the last who noe it....
1stly i don even noe how to accept it...
i donno i got to cry or got to laugh...
i had use 5 days to think it with myself....
ussually is nothing to think...
only need to accept it...
but ...i really donno...
but that day i really cry adi....
maybe i already accept it adi...
and no one will noe it already not the 1st time
i face something like that...
the feeling is really bad....
i just locked up myself....
i also donno wat i can do...
i really hope it never happen... i really hope the time can turn back...but it cant anymore...
ussually i really really sad... but i got to act like nothing happen in school...
i really donno how to face on it....

Posted at 01:18 am by Christinestar
Make a comment Permalink

Oct 15, 2005

haha so stupid ler

just now...erm maybe too free...so i read back wat testi i wrote for my frens before....

then i turn on all and read....
maybe some i wrote untill i think myself very stupid...
why something don wan said clearly when it start....
and don have any types of thinking is wrong rite....

then talk about my 1st love guy....
just read some testi that i wrote for he....
rite now.... then got something like...
i said i very love he then i write fren also can love...
or hug .... then i write fren also can hug....

all this so stupid leh....
issit is so easy ? well wat stupid mind i got.....
and my memory is dam bad....i can easily forgot someone...
but why i cant forgot he...
but anyway.....]
sometimes this kind of mind ... maybe will make ppl feel annoying sometimes...

cant doubt...since start till now...

my mind never change before...
but i just don dare to tell he anymore...something like this...
coz i scare the feel like that....
coz it cant will be real...
erm.. i noe that...

so starting to clear up all feeling
just don let myself go more deep
oh well
i always told myself....
hey wake up bah
don fall deeply agen....

issit is all true... but just like tat i adi feel very good...
becoz no one will get hurt later...

Posted at 03:47 am by Christinestar
Make a comment Permalink

ordinary and cool

wow.... look over there...erm...it so nice...
wat is it ?
erm something like ....erm......er.....donno how to said it...just nice...

me ?
oklah is arrogant ?
yes so wat ....!!
( haha so cool ..how come i can spilt out something like tat....don even noe leh... )
then ppl just open their eyes untill maximum...

y i will said something so cold ?
but tat is me ah...maybe they just donno it...

then i adi cannot stand ppl keep on using my acc
so the all acc i take bak now ...hahah....
coz if they continue do tat...walao then i don have secret adi...
then is very bad...

ussually i got think it alots of times...but then for everybody good...it is a way loh...
although something is very harsh for them....

about now>....?
well....just ask michael something...
then he go offline adi...

hey then so.........
not ussually...
coz i adi noe... he will not answer tat stupid question...
but i use all my energy to ask it....
haiz... k loh....

then vester agen...
haiz...i so lazy to explain agen....
then better don explain as well...
then i told he : I TOLD U...U BETTER DON FORCE ME....IF U THINK ME LIKE OTHERS GALS SURE WILL FALL IN LOVE TO U....THEN U R WRONG.....I WON DO THAT...
then i tell he : sry....really sry....
then he asked me agen same question : why u will love michael??
i said : better don ask...
then i just close the phone.....

y cant just live peaceful ?
don think anything....

well.... just be cool and ordinary...
and make my dad and my mum love me more....
just is something ussually i wan...

everyone will said me arrogant or something something like i also donno....
i just noe
i very love ppl that around me
just like my family
my frens ah....
and i cant lose them...one also cant lost
if them not happy.....me also will not happy....
so welll.....

tat day i talk alots with someone ar....
then she ask me : issit everything just like wat u think ? just so simple ?
then i said : yes...nothing is complicated....
hahahah
then she just said : hey mynnlee...i think if we r lesbian also not bad....
then i answer her : maybe......
haha
lesbian ? gay ? biosexual ?
maybe life like tat...
will make more fun...
oh wat a mess thinking....

every time...
ppl sure asked : y u like that ?
then sure answer : this is me....

haha i always help my sis scold some stupid person keep on border her...
ofcoz i don scare ppl hate me or wat...coz i got to help my sis...
at all...
i so thx my mum to gave me a sis like that....
if not i won feel so fun now...
oh.....o....o...o...
bla bla bla
nah nah nah
ti ti ti
no no no

haiz..... bad attitude...

let see wat the changes....

alots...ussually is my look....
erm ussually last time i think if my look be better abit then good..
but now i don hope that...
coz when i think ppl just wanna noe someone just see the looks...
i will feel very annoying and very hate it...and feel very yuck of this type attitude....

i cant noe the feel
about ppl will write they hate themselves....
maybe not happy ?
or maybe they r sad....
coz this kind of sentences cant write easily rite....
i always think like that....

ussually from start untill now...
i never clear my hope before...
i really hope that one day i can see his real person...
infront of me...
sure will be something nice....
but always ask my self....
hey when it will end....

erm... erm... maybe i must have a fickle mind....
oh ya.....
start train today....

Posted at 02:53 am by Christinestar
Make a comment Permalink

Oct 14, 2005

haha crazy gal....

erm....sure my tortoise will said : er why today our owner keep on changing the water...issit she crazy today ...har...y she today so talkative one...keep on talk....

but haha i also donno why today i keep on changing their water....i think they will feel like very annoying gua...then i noe today i abit talkative lah... coz i keep on talk with them...
haha i noe if they noe how to talk also...
they will said : hey shut up lah....

erm...... today just erm some happy....coz i learn something .....
and it let me be happy.....

haha erm i be aunty adi...
since wednesday bah...clean all the house...room...wash toilet and this and that...
then my fren come my house...
she said : hey when u become aunty adi ?
hahha
well...i sure beat her up ...
wat aunty lah....
this is my ownself promise...... see
so bad to do promise....
i just open my notebook....
and it wrote : hey christine remember to clean ur house after ur exam.......
har.... when i wrote it....so regret....hahah
wat...got signature sumore......
i also forgot when i wrote it...
okloh this is promise eh.....
haha but ussuallly not regret at all...
coz when i doin all this i feel so relax...
and i got a good reason to go out with my frens...
and all the outgoin ussually is not so fun...
coz alots of ppl then need to do smiley face...and need to talk alots crapss...
then sumtimes they donno my idea
they will misundertood it...
ooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhh for me...it really very very very tired thing...
and i better stay house to clean it...
refresh my house..
and sumore can read books...coz when i clean ma house i found there was alots of books...
well i can whack it agen maybe...

yesterday my mum said : my fren said her house got over 200 books can borrow u ....
erm...really nice...
hahahaha time for wine agen....
ussually rite....wine ?erm sometimes will drink it...
coz tat is me ah.....

everytime after i do houseworks...i sure will.. hahah
hahahha
sure will enjoy mylife...
lying on the sofa whole day...hahah
but when my sis back...
she sure call me left it...
hahah wat to do...she is my sis...
then i will like a prawn...lying on the very small sofa..erm is kinda like for two person sit...
then wacthing tv...wacth mv....we just chatting...
then read books..
haha
it was just so relax...
erm something like no need to talk....

ussually my dad had bought a very big house for us...
he very like it...
but my mum said don wan to live there...
becoz it is very far from everywhere...
far from the city and is very inside somewhere...
but it si very nice and look like very cool to live in that house...
coz is very silent....
but transport hard...
so we din enter the house loh...

haha if we enter the house...
i think will fainted to clean it...
so better not...
and i don wan any maid.....

yea...
gambateh.....
hahah
becoz
i already finish all my rubbish packing now...
just need to throw it away....
welll
i think i can sleep hahahahha
then wacth tv
then stay house better...
coz outside is too anoying sometimes...
coz issit i need to smile always/??
if i din smile ..
then ppl will said me arrogent leh...
hey i don understand why they said so...
but lazy to explain....
so tired for it...
well.... my sis will said : haha i understand it....
well ofcoz she understand...

Posted at 03:04 am by Christinestar
Make a comment Permalink

Oct 13, 2005

so hard to do it ?

issit so hard to do it ?
today the whole group frens discussing something...
today jessie told me something about she and jay... i asked her :' if jay said wan together agen ...will u accept ...?
she tell me : ofcoz no....
maybe i noe why she will said so.....
becoz i noe she too hurt for that... ussually last time my mind still refreshing.I though i will change my mind but today i won change it...
then michelle and her bf... erm both of them kinda like good..
michelle call me go to timesquare with she and her bf....erm ussually i will be lam pose agen ?

our holiday already plan enuf much to fit all the things...
but this all are not something i wan...coz i won feel better of that....
my holiday just like very empty at all....
rite....try to enjoying about that...

how many time i got to be lamp pose agen ?
erm this holidays start i think it will be numerous times....

me and starry walk together coz she almost live the same area with me...
she tell me : i wan a bf leh ...
i : why ?
she said : just want it....

a bf ?issit some word like boy fren....
then wat is boy fren mean ?
sometimes i really donno...
but i noe a thing...
i dun need that...

so i told her : erm...last time maybe i will think of it ...
she ask : then now ?
i said : don wan adi....coz this kind of thing is just will make me feel more tired....

she just like blur blur abit....

michelle always said : how u and vester ?
i said : we r just fren...nothing much....
sometimes i just think y i don wan to accept vester ...?
isn't he is someone ...who others gals sure fall in love...
a guy who smart....good in sport..good in music....and always care about frens....
isn't he is very great ? and he always treat me so well...
but i try it when i form 2 ...is last year....
i try to make myself to love he....but i cant did it....
y ? i also donno....

last nite......
i send some message for michael...
i noe
maybe he will think i am anoying
haha i donno
er...issit he not happy ?
er... i donno...
ussually i noe he a year
but i don really noe he more....
but sometimes i think...maybe one day will be...

now....is really very hard to make me love someone.....
becoz.... i dun need to repeat it agen and agen.....

erm... maybe my comunication is not tat good

Posted at 01:21 am by Christinestar
Make a comment Permalink

Oct 9, 2005

comunication == worst

Issit comunicate with someone is that hard ? issit it need to learn ? issit i need to learn how to comunicate with someone?

sometimes i really donno how to talk with someone.... issit i am a talkative person ? ofcoz no... but sometimes ppl tok me is a talkative person... but ussual i won talk much...and sometimes will make ppl feel boring with me or wat ...
becoz is really hard for me to comunicate with someone else... and ppl will take it is arrogant...
but i din have any chance to explain...
sometimes song can tell all it...so tat y sing will be my hobby also

now maybe is a time to change somethings....
wat to change...
haiz...then nowadays maybe will be boring abit...coz my comunicate skills fail adi... donno why suddenly nothing to tell my frens and nothing to talk with them...
michelle ? jessie ? erm i think all is the same things.... nothing to talk as all.. maybe i need sometimes to be silent....
then adi one weeks i never talk with vester...even he call me i just din pick up the phone...maybe this is the time to let he find someone...maybe i do like that is very wrong...but wat i can do...i cant be so selfish...and i noe myself never will accept he to be my bf ...
tat day michael ask y...?? then i told he something tat same i told everyone...
i not a understanding person , seldom talk will make ppl feel bored , a moody person and alots...
then i should ask back myself ..why i will accept michael twice times last time ? haha ussually it is something very fake...i told some of my frens , they also cant belive i will did that...myself ? i also donno.... haha but just take it is an experience... or just once try....and really i won try it anymore...
just once.... coz i don think i can arrange this kind of things well...
yea... ofcoz every gals hope they will get someone very love them and live happy together... ofcoz last time i will think tat kind of thingy sometimes... but now i don think i need it much...

yea... SHE release new song... is nice...every song tat they sing i also very like ... coz it macth my feel ..i think so...

haha yesterday i felt so pain...untill i can leave my bed at all....the feeling is ? i donno how to explain it...just very pain... and make me vomit..it was wonderful yuck...i sleep on my bed nearly over 20 hours....luckily at nite 10.00pm ...i still can walk ...so i leave my bed.... just sit on the sofa there... and nothing to talk... coz i cant seperate the pain ... i cant noe here pain or there pain or another way pain or wat... and i waste one day on my bed.... luckily is not monday if not how i going to take my exam... but yesterday ..i din touch my books...
and now cant even take the pen and write... coz the hand keep on shivering... ussually i just wan to laugh on it..coz no matter how i take the pen and write also cannot... and i keep on change my position also cannot...
then i try to change my left hand and write... try 1 try 2 try 3 ...argh !!! cannot...i really wan mad adi... wat is it ? last time isn't tat i can write one my left hand...i also forgot when start ...my left hand cannot write something...
then now i on my com to train typing maybe it was easy coz... see i cant tyrpe something so long... but i cannot write a words.. and the handwriting is very ugly ...i also donno how tomolo i going to write 2 chinese essay and the ' zhong kai " somemore....

then i think now is time back to train it agen....

Posted at 02:21 am by Christinestar
Make a comment Permalink

Oct 6, 2005

See that ....? grave.....

Today juz finish my hisyory and mathemathics exam.Luckily i noe how to did it. Then back home ... checking my books and some of the stuff...erm how was it...? i just throw out alots of my revision and my teks books...and those already no use ..so i just put all in to phine cupboard and some on her table.
Then my mum asked me : how ur exam ?
i said : donno ...but still ok lah...
then she said : nvm ... u already do the best ... u sure can do it ..
i said : rite...

My dad bring us to POPULAR then we went for dinner ---- we ate pizza
but my dad starting : fast food not good ..don eat much...
erm and this and that...

walao eh... i juz think : man old adi ... will be like a women...
since donno when and when....
maybe i just forgot adi...my house is no more sugar thingy .... no sweet as well... no fast food... no any packet of drinks just mineral everyday... if not is green tea
sumore i everyday bring green tea to school... and my bottle is like dam big size but it cant enuf for me... coz i can drink alots of water per day...
but some of my frens win me ...

i bring green tea to school ...they will ask : hey wat is this....
haha ussually i just wan laugh adi...coz i think maybe i take a mic to do annoucement to whole school..
coz everyday i got to repeat same thing to them atleast ten time..
i will said : this is green tea and it very good for me coz it can less the sugar in our body then others i donno...

erm a thing ...donno since when jessie be my wife adi... i think other guys got to chop me rite now...
now talk about my wife.. sheis the pretiest in our school..and we be fren since this year only...
and my fren that day ask me : WAT JESSIE IS UR WIFE ...??
i said : ya wat so excited.....
but ussually she not my wife... just we like to simply tell ppl that... then our classmates always said i date her.... then i told xiang this..he said : then good lah ...atleast u get more wife agen...benefit alots..
then i read his dam long mail..untill my eyes also cant stand of it...

In school ussually sometimes i will had many funs... coz always talk with jessie...ussually we r JUST BEST FREN ... she will tell me alots of things then i will tell her alots of things of mine...then i tell her about xiang ...i tell her about michael......then ussually the most i tell her is my sis ...

Yesterday so happy to heard michael said he play piano...
then hope that can be one day i can hear he play piano.... issit got that chance ..??
hoho donno ...

xiang keep on ask me some questions... haha xiang LOOK AT HERE.....
erm just got two answers for choose....
then maybe will choose back the old answer....

har..... luckily tomolo no school ...yea holiday two days.. then next week suffer agen...
the chinese exam ...in the very big hall ...just only me... and five teachers...haha cant imagine it...
cool ? yea maybe...

erm after exam wat will i do ...? erm still donno...
my frens all planing how to dates with their bf and gf....
erm k...i noe where i will going for date adi...
1stly..... go wacth ppl play bbal...
2nd.......go some musical instruments stalls...
3rd.......train my swiming tecnique...
4th.......go some book store
5th.... donno and donno

Posted at 07:18 am by Christinestar
Make a comment Permalink

Oct 5, 2005

loneliness

guy guy guy guy guy guy guy .....

is too bad.....

hey today is holiday ...luckily is holiday..then i got one more day to prepare my history and mathemathics... but now feel abit boring adi...
unlucky today my sis got school if not we sure can keep on chatting... coz most od our fav are the same..tats is y ...we can keep on chatting...
my sis ...josephine...nah.. see she is a very fierce person or can said she always will make situations to be cold...cool issit ? erm sometimes is not that cool... something is she won lie to me ... and she said something very straight...so ppl will tok she arrogant..ussually is not...
and in school when i saw her , i sure told ppl that she is my wife..or sometimes we go for chinese tuition together...then sure keep on talk non-stop...
we always like to do something together...then sometimes when midnite we will keep on talking then laugh very loud untill our mum cant stand of it..
yea it was really nice... and she won gossip ppl ...see wat a good sis i had..
but when her fire come...sure no one can control it...
then sometimes we will act like guy...ofcoz now if we act like guy ... ppl will noe we are gal...
i still can remember last time i act like guy go out with her...ooo i really got talented to be guy..coz the aunty ask : ur brother ah ? then she said : yes...but i din talk at all..
then my sis always said : hey brother.....
but now she won said it anymore... and sometimes i will said : hey lil gal i am ur bro ...u must hear me...u noe... then she will said: har.... wat ....i cant hear wat u said .... then i said : kloh...
but i noe she heard wat i said....
then our neighbour said : u two so like twins.... ( nearly all the neigbour said that )
then we went out ppl tok us is twins...
then sometimes i also hope we can be twins.. my sis said : i heard ppl said if twins are one is good and another one sure be evil wor...i don wan be the evil one...
talk with her like ...erm will feel relaxing...
coz she will noe all about that
and then she won betray me...
hohoho.......
she always old me : u noe my frend jealous me becoz of i had a sis lke u...
then i sure said : issit ? sure...u must be proud of it...
then she said : but they donno my sis is a dam blur person...and wat also donno... issit u proud of urself like that.....??

my hp ring...
my mum said : wat u doin ? erm check the house phone ...

hohoho i just pull it out...coz it was annoying and noisy ....
i always pull my phone line out...
tats is me ...wat to do...
coz always the club...bank..or some officer ppl will call house....and i lazy to talk with them...

hey kkkkk
now is time to continue my study.............................................................................

tired tired tired.....

Posted at 01:39 am by Christinestar
Make a comment Permalink

Oct 2, 2005

huh ...?? hey y use tearsofangel ??... ( xiang )

this post was write by xiang
_______________________

ask my sis why she use tearsofangel....she din reply me..luckily now i am not in KL if not see wat will happen...
whoa...issit my sis also wan to be a doctor....yea sure u can do it...if u r ready to pay out ur time for fun and rest....

nah give u some words here
A day will come when all this hard work will eventually pay off and you will definitely reap the fruits of your labour....

but i sure u can do it...

erm now still free so talk about bro and sis story...
haha jie don ever try to knock my head ( u cant do it adi )

how to talk about it ? haha sry hardly to tell u readers about it...

my sis is a dam heart kind person...if u need help ..u just ask her for one time she sure help adi..if u r her foe also no need to scace she won help u...u keep on said pls..or ask for many times..at last u will get ur help..

me her bro...always forbid her to be that...coz everyone u bully u...and i always said : y don u just mind ur own buiness...don forget why u need help..ppl just left u a side...
but she still don listen mine...
and now we live far away from each other... worry about this sis everytime...

how my life in here ?
london ? a place totally i donno at the 1st time but now ok adi...

1st day when i enter the school ?
ppl just look me down ...teacher also the same...
but after the bio , advanced maths , physic and chemist
they just change their thinking about me..
and now starting all the presure..but i sure can stand of it..
nothings will make me down...sure

then how about now...

dam lots of works got to done...
sleep just 3 hours per day..

but i still got time to write my sis a email per day...
coz nothing is important then that...( thouch )hoho

stop ! stop! stop!

but atleast i noe how to enjoy my pressure...
( pressure will make fun )
( busy will make more fun )
( all of this is better then pleasure )

now talk about my qorgeos mum

some sonver that we talk last nite

mum : xiang how ur study nowadays ?
me : i don think that i cannot stand of it ..
mum : that is good for hear...
me : mum i think i will pay more time for my bio so that start now... i will in my room for my work atleast one month so u called the maid don disturb me...atleast i feel hungry...

wat to do for now..this is the way for solve this pro..
my mum already predict it...so nothing special about that....

5 big bowl of mee ... one tank of water

Posted at 03:50 am by Christinestar
Make a comment Permalink

Oct 1, 2005

life is juz like that rite...

why i start my blog agen ? i also donno...is mood of suddenly...
and now...just relaxing my mind..next week exam..issit i can do well for it? issit i can throw all things that i prepare for this three years ?three years i prepare for it ? yes? just a short exam ? yes? donno
maybe life is just like that..
coz my lazy mind keep on don let all things in my surrounding change...coz i am selfish ? yes ..i can said it...maybe some example ?i will be very down for when something changing in my life...i will just lock myself in a room...but... it was my attitude..it will never be change...
now i started had my new hobby...? wat is it ?? erm..just something like on the music ..don care it is wat type..just on it..then sit there and close my eyes..concentrate of it... at last i feel that is different...
my mind just like crap....maybe now is a good way for healing it...
this hobby really work..it better then chat with frens for hours...or tell ur frens about ur sadness...
today just walk under a street alone...then saw a dog follow by a cat...? belive it.. i also cant belive it..
Suddenly a motorcycle just come in my way and i din go a side...just stand there..coz i forgot wat to do... luckily the motocycle stop immediately...the cyclist said : a moi bahayaloh....
then i just woke up suddenly..OH SORRY...
emberass ? yes abit ...
then vester keep on ask me , wat bday u wan ? i said : erm donno...and i think no one will do that to me...ofcoz i won tell this guy about that...

rush......tuition...another.........agen......run......crossroad.....tuition......run....lrt...run tuition ...( wat is that ? my life loh )

wat i will do after exam ? erm ofcoz start my job ... wat job i did ? normal that everyone will do...
but i need to ready up for my form 5 SPM adi... just last year i had change my mind..
i wan to be a doctor..issit i will really achieve it ? i still donno...

love ? yes i love everyone...ussually all of them are very important for me.. i cant lose anyone...
xiand...michelle always ask like that : still dont accept vester ?
i said : no ...
and sure they noe the answers.... i won accept anyone to be my bf rite now...
coz of ...something tell me...i am not interested for that...
ussually the main reason is
don be ppl burden....

i juz hope that everyone like best frens then can trust each others..no cheat for all.....

i just wan a normal but special life... and i can be myself..everyone will accept me if i be myself...
]but i noe is really hard for that.....

Posted at 06:25 am by Christinestar
Make a comment Permalink